An Aspergers life–Part 1

To understand the life I live, you need to know a bit about Aspergers, like in the same way a man needs to know how a woman thinks to better understand and live with her (and visa versa). After all, the basis of any type of productive co-habitation, and in the end we all co-habitat this world…right, you must have, innately or self-developed, a basic empathy towards your neighbor.

Aspergers is a behavioral syndrome (named after Dr. Hans Asperger, an Austrian pediatrician, who originally described Asperger’s Syndrome in 1944) that has recently been classified as an autistic spectrum disorder.

You are probably more familiar with the term autism. In the better known cases (i.e. those profiled by the mass media) it can be described as someone, who is physically here in this world but not reacting to this world’s stimuli and is, in fact, experiencing life (as they understand it) in another ‘invisible-to-us’ world. A world where the non-autistic is completely barred.

Those of us with Aspergers have this same separate world definition, unfortunately we cannot live there, we have to live and survive in your world. The hard part is that, though our two worlds are physically the same, the people who inhabit it are so very different, so alien to us, and therein lies the problem.

In our world there are far fewer ambiguities, we speak more literally, body language and tone-of-your-voice have far less impact on the meaning of what we say. In many cases our assumption is that we are dealing with people as defined by their literal word, unhampered by innuendo and ‘natural’ skepticism which comes so normally to everyone else.

This impacts us every second of every moment of every day.

Let me give you an small example of my day. I have, through my love of reading, TV and movies, built up a vast library of many variations (millions) of personal inter-reactions, from the comical and dramatic to the sublime and even the ridiculous. This library, which may be just inconsequential memories to you, is an all important key to how I react with your world.

In every interactive situation, be it physical, emotional or intellectual, I pattern all my reactions based on these remembered scenes. They are my learned catalogue of acceptable human reactions. How I apply them to my daily life has become more and more sophisticated based not only on my past experiences but with the continued accumulation of new material (reading/TV/movie or just people-watching scenes) that I constantly absorb every day.

In every single instant of my interaction, I am analyzing what you are saying and doing, pulling up similar actions directly from my memory, reviewing all the different responses I’ve previously recorded and then forming a reply, usually based on a compilation of these memorized scenes, in the hope that it elicits the response I am trying to achieve. I do not always get it right, in fact my rate tends to be 50/50, getting most of the routine interactions correct but still having a failing grade with the more personal, one of a kind, interactions.

This human to human reaction comes normally to most, but to us, to me, it is very hard work. After a short period of time I need to relax, not so much physically but mentally. I need alone time to allow my brain to go into neutral mode, to cool off, to calm down. That is not to say I veg out or shut down like a robot to recharge its battery, no just some quiet time, even working alone on a problem, or chore, where a response is not required immediately helps me relax.

Autism as a label leads one to think of our group as singular, much like you think of someone having a cold or lung cancer, where the specific symptoms define a unique condition. While our disorder can be specifically defined by its many symptoms, the severity of each characteristic does vary in each of us much as eye, hair and skin colour can vary and, just like you, where a variety of people can have similar eye or hair colour but still be very different people, so too are we.

Those of us, though defined as living within the entire autism spectrum, are still unique, breathing and thinking individuals. Attempting to react with each us in the same way en-mass is ignoring each of us as individuals and akin to treating those different from you based on racial stereotyping.

It is amazing how quickly the stereotyping happens, for the first twenty years of my life with my ex-wife, she considered my opinions and value system on par with hers, but from the day I was diagnosed as having Aspergers I no longer mattered, my belief system was immediately discounted as not relevant and my value as a life partner dropped to zero. Divorce was inevitable.

For her the things that had defined me as the unique individual she fell in love with  now defined me as a stranger living in her world. A stranger she could no longer relate to because she became aware of how strange I actually was.

So, what is it that makes me strange, this brings me back to the original point…what defines me as Aspergers. Well lets start with a list, yes we do so like our lists:-

First off, and important to know is that children and adults with Asperger’s Syndrome have an intellectual capacity within the normal range, we’re not dumb people! But we do have a distinct profile of abilities, that have been been apparent since early childhood. This profile of abilities includes the following characteristics:-

A qualitative impairment in social interaction:

* Failure to develop friendships that are appropriate to our developmental level.

* Impaired use of non-verbal behaviour such as eye gaze, facial expression and body language to regulate a social interaction.

* Lack of social and emotional reciprocity and empathy.

* Impaired ability to identify social cues and conventions.

A qualitative impairment in subtle communication skills:

* Fluent speech but difficulties with conversation skills and a tendency to be pedantic, have an unusual prosody and to make a literal interpretation.Restrictive Interests:

* The development of special interests that is unusual in their intensity and focus.

* Preference for routine and consistency.

The disorder can also include motor clumsiness and problems with handwriting and being hypersensitive to specific auditory and tactile experiences. There can also be problems with organisational and time management skills and explaining thoughts and ideas using speech.

Tony Atwood is today’s pre-eminent authority on Aspergers Syndrome and has this to say about it, “From my clinical experience I consider that children and adults with Aspergers Syndrome have a different, not defective, way of thinking.”

He further defines us as, “…usually has a strong desire to seek knowledge, truth and perfection with a different set of priorities than would be expected with other people. There is also a different perception of situations and sensory experiences. The overriding priority may be to solve a problem rather than satisfy the social or emotional needs of others.

The person values being creative rather than co-operative.

The person with Aspergers syndrome may perceive errors that are not apparent to others, giving considerable attention to detail, rather than noticing the ‘big picture’.

The person is usually renowned for being direct, speaking their mind and being honest and determined and having a strong sense of social justice.

The person may actively seek and enjoy solitude, be a loyal friend and have a distinct sense of humour.

However, the person with Aspergers Syndrome can have difficulty with the management and expression of emotions.”

Hopefully you can use this information to better understand me so, hopefully, I do not end up losing all the relationships I’ve built up over the years of living in this alien world of yours because, lets face it, there is no chance of me going home is there.