LIME…Life in a Monopolistic Environment

Customer Service, taken literally, describes the interaction between a company and its customers whether that service is good, bad or in-different.
Many companies assume that to have a Customer Service Department and/or Customer Service Policy is all that is required for good service, but like any tool, be it a kitchen knife, a screw driver, gun or customer service representative, it is the user that determines the function and not the tool itself.
Last week I went into LIME to discuss a problem I had with their service and my bill(it still amuses me that a company built solely around the use of the telephone refuse to carry out business on the phone. Come on people! I carry out my far more private banking business by phone but, the phone service provider, oh no, they demand that you must see them in person to discuss even the most trivial revisions to your account.)  I had previously written them about it but to date, one month later, I have yet to receive a reply.
I moved into a new Apartment in July, which has an existing telephone and internet service. I utilized the internet right away but the telephone I did not use, mostly because I use my cell phone as my primary phone contact, until, almost a month later, to realize that I had no dial tone.
I assumed that the fault was internal since, after all, the internet was working, so after changing each separate component one at a time, the connecting wire, then the DSL filter and finally the phone itself to no avail, I finally called in a telephone repairman, who indicated that the fault was with LIME and not my internal connections.
By the time all this happened a month had passed, so I wrote LIME indicating the problem and asked that the phone portion of my bill be credited to this account since the phone was not (and still is not) working. The internet portion I will gladly pay.
So, three weeks later when I received my bill with the phone charge still there and no indication of any credits, I went into see LIME’s customer service. Only to be told that 1) they issue credits only after the fault is fixed and 2) credits are only issued from the time the fault is reported until service is restored.
My next question to the Service Representative was what happens if they take six months to repair a fault, this system, as explained to me, seems to have no accountability on the company’s side but all the liability on the customers side. The Customer Service’s answer…”Sir you’re not listening to me, a credit will be issued only after the fault has been repaired.“
My first thought was of Skynet, maybe the take over is imminent and this person in front of me was really a robot with a glitch in her system. That would explain the repeating of a previous answer to a different question. So to confirm my hypostasis I asked the new question again. She replied, “Sir you’re not listening to me, a credit will be issued only after the fault has been repaired.“
Definitely a robot!
While she was talking to me she was also clacking away on her keyboard, she then advised that they had received no fault report, so they were not liable for a credit for the June and August periods that my phone was not working, hence the robot supplied information that credits are only due from the time of making a fault report.
I decided, since I was dealing with a robot I would use my considerable experience in dealing with Positronic brains (after all I’ve read all of Isaac Asimov's Robotic novels, more than once) to pose a new query using cyclic logic.
“So,” I said to LIME’s customer service representative, “if I report my functioning phone as being out of service, continue using it until you get around to fixing it, then I could request a credit for the period between reporting the fault and it being recorded as fixed?”
“No sir!” She replied emphatically. “We can check and see that you were using the phone.”
“Why then, can’t you check to see that I haven’t been using the phone for the period I claimed your service was unavailable and get my credit?” I replied smugly.
“Sir you’re not listening to me, a credit will be issued only after the fault has been repaired.“
Back to the default answer, I had gone as far as I could at this stage so I asked for her supervisor.And after five minutes of waiting another young lady approached me.
“This young lady,” I started, pointing at the robot in front of me,”has indicated that a) LIME issues credits only after a fault has been fixed and b) credits are only issued from the time the fault is reported until service is restored. Is this true?
“Yes!” She replied.
Looking into her eyes as she responded I recognized the same uninterested, unemotional stare, closed mouth with the same slight smile at the corners of her lips, crap another robot, it was then I realized that I was wasting my time, so I smiled back and said thank you got up and left.
LIME…Life In a Monopolistic Environment!