Re-Coding my life

I am not the person I was when I was in my teens, nor in my twenties, thirties or forties. Thinking back on my life I can see the difference in me as each decade of experience goes by.

The thoughts that defined who I am keeps getting modified (some are actually discarded) and re-moulded as each second, each minute, each hour of living experience allows me to build my character byte by byte. The biological program that is called Antonio Rodriguez constantly goes through revision after revision attempting to generate, to create the best Antonio Rodriguez possible.

This is one of the reason's I could never understand when being told, "You never did that in the past?" or "You always do this" in an argument. If it was yesterday or last week or last month then I could understand the comment but when referring to years past, surely this argument is invalid. Either that or the person believes that change is impossible and who we are at birth is who we remain for the rest of our lives. And that's just sad.

But no matter the sophistication of our software, sometimes the hardware fails and the program needs revising to best suit the changed abilities.

I think that is what is happening to me. With the disappearance of my Pituitary gland, in my late forties, my physical body lacked many vital neurological signals, signals that would prompt the body to produce chemicals to keep hardware and software operating as one.

I no longer produce and regulate these chemicals automatically. Now I take them in tablet form every morning and while they supply the correct chemicals in the correct quantities, the tablets cannot supply the regulation required by my body's needs. As a consequence I am active, bright, intuitive and full of initiative after I take my tablets in the morning but by the afternoon I have to prod, cajole and drag myself to complete most tasks.

One major difference between pre-pituitary and post pituitary, that I can identify is initiative, I definitely lack the drive I use to have, the need to get the job done, to seek out new options, to boldly go we no man...hang on, sorry got a bit carried away there, Lets just say that I lack the UMPHA I used to have.

So now the challenge is how to survive with this new mindset, the old Antonio Rodriguez ver 5.4 software keeps asking for hardware connections that just are no longer available. Time to change, to re-code, to bring the two systems back into alignment, not sure how long it will take, not sure of what it will take, hey...I'm not even sure that it can be fixed. But I'll try, I'll seek, I'll learn...at least in the mornings.